she's in love with someone who can't make a commitment

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES

Published June 3, 2001

Dear Joe,

I’m writing from the Middle East (hope you don’t mind if I don’t mention exactly where I am because that guy I’m having a problem with listens to you most of the time). I’ve been working here for almost three years now.

It all started last year. It was a female friend who introduced me to Rand (not his real name). I put the idea aside because I didn’t need another man in my life just yet. That could wait. Two months after I decided to meet this guy.

At my friend’s house, I was a little fidgety ad I’ve noticed that it was becoming very late and thought he changed his mind about coming. I was about to give up when the doorbell rang. It was him! He’s not exactly good-looking but he was very presentable. Tall and slim, nice and quiet. But what an appetite he has! But he was a pleasant guy.

All of a sudden, there was a smile on my face again. My dad noticed it, too, so whenever he calls and I’m asleep, he would wake me up. He knew that I was happy. Our days and weeks would be a routine. A day wouldn’t pass with us not talking to each other. I suddenly realized that I liked him! I was very inspired in all the things I’ve been doing.

Then, he was reassigned in Manila. I didn’t know what to feel. And what made it even worse is that I never really knew how he felt for me.

Rand is in Manila now. We send text messages or talk whenever I get the chance to go home.

I don’t know what to think anymore. I know I’m not supposed to expect anything from him. Should I wait for him? Or should I just forget him? Yes, it is very hard to let go and say goodbye, but if that’s the only way to make everything right, I could.

KAY

There are times in our relationships when words are never said and all we hear are unspoken sentiments concealed in glances and implicit gestures. Times when we choose to remain silent because we are afraid of what our words may bring and what our expressions may reveal.

It is indeed inspiring to live our lives for someone who we hope would, one day, share forever with us. But if this hope will be based on feelings and not fact, then we might just wake up one day being sorry for wanting too much.

You are afraid to wake up to a bad dream and you want to give up a fight which you haven’t fought yet. Why don’t you express your feelings and let Rand see beyond your silence? Communication is the first step in building a relationship. Without this vital element, all and every effort would just be like kisses in the wind.

If you really like Rand, give him your best shot. See how he reacts and take your next step from there. You can hold on and wait for love or say goodbye and move on.

Turning our backs on someone who inspires us should not be a choice but an option. We give up only when we have tried and we should keep on trying until we exhaust all our reasons to hang on.

Let us always remember that it is better to lose a battle we fought than to lose a battle we never had the courage to face.

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