she'd rather be hurt than lose the love of her married boyfriend

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES

Published June 10, 2001

Dear Joe,

I’m 24 years old, working in a well-established company in Ortigas. This is my first job and because of the friends I’ve made, I’ve become so attached to my work and the people around me, especially Two-Five. Two-Five is very sweet and intelligent. And we are very compatible.

During my sixth month in this office, my friend dared me to kiss Two-Five. This was a month before his wedding to his girlfriend of 11 years. But that particular kiss didn’t end there. A week before their marriage, we had sex.

Now that he’s a family man, we haven’t stopped seeing each other. As the days pass, the more our feelings for each other grow. I tried to have a boyfriend or two after he got married, but I kept going back to him for comfort and support. My heart belongs only to him and it yearns for his love and affection. I’ve tried to control what I feel for him and God knows he has tried as well.

I’m so confused. He loves his wife and son but he loves me, too. I know that this relationship is going nowhere, but I just can’t live without him. I just can’t deny my feelings for him. The pain is unbearable, but I’d rather be hurt than lose his love. What will I do?

Thank you, Joe, and more power.

TWO-EIGHT


Destiny is indeed a matter of choice and not a matter of chance. That first kiss wouldn’t have been so devastating if it was not followed by several other kisses that passionately led to something that changed your life forever.

Tw0-Eight, your man vowed to love his wife and only his wife for the rest of his life. It must have been difficult saying that wedding promise with you at the back of his mind. Honestly, I don’t think a man can love with the same intensity twice. He could either love you or his wife more.

He knows very well that he is putting the fate of his family at stake by nurturing an illicit affair with you. If she finds out about this, then your boyfriend may face the dilemma of choosing between you and his family. Fate then will take its final course.

Two-Eight, your future will never be bright if it’s going to be borrowed form someone else’s misery. You just can’t love a married man and be happy forever. One day, you would have to face the fact that he has a family who depends on him and he would have to stay where he truly belongs.

You have had your share of romance and moments of bliss with him. I hope you find that enough because if you would still want more, then you might as well consider breaking a family. I’m sure it is something you wouldn’t want to happen to your own.

Live not on what your heart dictates but on what is right and sensible. There is still time to turn away. Remember, the true joy of living is not only in loving ourselves but also in loving without hurting others.

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