more important than money

Joe D Mango's LOVE NOTES
Published July, 2005

Dear Joe,

I met Carl four years ago when we started out as textmates. Carl is funny, thoughtful and sweet. Although he didn’t make it to college, he’s very responsible. He became my boyfriend four months later; everything was perfect. Sure, we had our disagreements, but we always managed to iron things out. I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and we started planning for our future. After all, we were not getting any younger.

Everything was going smoothly. Or so I thought. He told me that I didn’t have time for him anymore, that all I could think about was my family. That he waited for me to change from being too demanding and selfish, but in vain. Two months after proposing marriage, he broke up with me. I was shattered. I begged him to forgive me, to give me a chance. But he was adamant.

Joe, that’s not only the reason he broke up with me. It was also because his family couldn’t accept that I wanted to continue helping my family with my own income. You see, Joe, we’re not well-off like them, and I continue to take care of my father by visiting him every now and then.

Was I wrong to ask for that? But his family didn’t give me a chance. They cancelled the preparations for our wedding just like that. And Carl broke up with me, not in person, mind you, but over the phone, blaming it all on me. You know what hurts the most? His indecisiveness. He told me we would fight for our relationship, then the next day he said he’d decided to break up with me.

Yet I forgave him, still hoping he would realize he was making a mistake, that he would come back to me because he loved me just as I love him. We still communicate every now and then, but nothing has changed. Help me, Joe. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is it right for me to hold on? I want to know what you think.

Sincerely,
Sophia


Dear Sophia,

We all make promises that we sometimes cannot keep. Carl must have loved the thought of being with you, but I honestly believe that he never really loved the person in you. We all know that couples who get married embrace a total change of priorities, and family support issues become very sensitive matters of discussion and arguments.

Sophia, I know how much you want to have Carl back, but I don’t think he shares the same passion now. Your parents are lucky to have a daughter like you. You should find a person who will not take your responsibility against you but would even be proud of your commitment to your parents.

Money becomes an issue for many couples, whether they have an excess or lack of it. It even becomes more intense when it is shared with people outside the family circle. If Carl chooses not to marry you for this reason, then there should be no reason to marry him, either.

Let us always remember that love should never be a function of money. Money, for all its practicalities, is important, but there are far more important reasons why people choose to marry than money. Love encompasses who we were, who we are and who will be. Love never looks at our past, nor does it change who we are today. Love simply accepts and makes the most of what it has. It never measures, never compares and never judges. Love simply loves without the conditions and that’s how love truly should be.

Joe

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