Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES
Published July 26, 2000
Dear Joe,
I met ivy in July 1999. There was neither magic nor sparkle when I first met her. She was cute, but nothing more. In short, I was not attracted to her then.
As months went by we became really good friends. In my 23 years, I had never had a girlfriend. I had courted numerous girls, but none of them saw me in a romantic way. I was just a friend to them. Ivy saw the sensitive and caring side in me that other girls hadn’t bother to find out.
She shared secrets with me that she hadn’t shared even to her best friend in college. Knowing somebody needed me made me feel good about myself. Joe, no one had ever mad me feel that way but she.
But we had our rough moments as well. We would fight over petty things and we would end up not saying a word to each other for days, even weeks. But we would always find a way to make up and say sorry to each other. Each petty quarrel made our friendship stronger and sweeter. We considered each other as “best friends.”
Joe, it didn’t take long for me to fall deeply in love with her. I would be extra caring to her. I would invite her out to either lunch or breakfast. I suddenly realized I wanted to spend each waking moment with her. She was flattered with the kind of attention I gave her, but just like the other girls in the past, she saw as a friend, nothing more.
But I went on with the courtship hoping that if I showed her how much I really loved her, she’d reconsider. I would practically do anything for her. Everything she asked me, I’d gladly do for her. Other people even thought that she was already taking advantage of me because there was really nothing for me to expect from her. I didn’t care what other people said; what was important to me was that both of us were happy as friends.
Then she met Nel, an honor graduate of UP Diliman, whom she grew fond of. They would constantly date and share countless hours talking over the phone. It hurt me whenever she would tell me about him, how she was starting to like him very much and how she was slowly falling in love with him.
But, what could I do? I was just a friend. I listened to her every story while my heart was torn into pieces. I did my best to understand our situation, but I still felt jealous. So jealous that I was having a hard time not showing it. Soon, it took its toll on our friendship. Our quarrels became more numerous and more intense with each pang of jealousy I would feel. But she never gave up on me, as she would always understand and accept me back as her best friend.
As Nel and Ivy’s relationship developed, Ivy would ask favors from me which would eventually benefit Nel. It bothered me a lot, but because I loved her so much I gave up my pride. Even though they were starting to became really cozy, she would assure me they weren’t going steady yet.
Last March, she headed up to Baguio with him and a couple of friends. I told her to enjoy her trip and made sure that Nel take care of her as I would. When they were on their way I would call her up once in a while just to ask how she was and tell her to hurry back because I was already missing her so much.
They left on a Friday afternoon. The following day I received a phone call from her telling me that I should give Nel a call, apologize to him, and assure him that I wasn’t checking up on her. She told me that he was jealous of me and I hurt his feelings. I didn’t see the logic of me having to say sorry for some guy that I didn’t even know. I stood my ground and told her no.
She told me “please,” but I just could not give in to her. Our conversation became intense and she switched off her phone. I was furious; it was a good thing my friends and I had made plans to head up to Tagaytay, I guess that would help me unwind and relax a bit. It gave me time to think about all the things that had been happening between her and me. I decided to end our friendship the minute I get back to Manila.
When she gave me a call asking how I was I told her not to speak to me again, and I slammed the phone down on her. As expected, she was really mad. I pulled my phone off the hook, knowing she would call back to curse me and slam the phone down on me as well.
She opted to e-mail me and express all her anger. I even printed it out. Even if we were beginning to hate each other, I was still happy she took the time to send me a letter, even if it was just a hate mail.
After a week, I realized I was wrong. I wanted her back, I wanted to tell her how sorry I was and admit that everything was my fault. But I guess she was already tired of us fighting over and over again. She said there was nothing more for us to talk about, and she wanted me to leave her alone.
Joe, I lost Ivy, the one person I cherished the most. She was mu only girl best friend, she was the only person who knew me so well. How could I have done such a thing?
We still aren’t on speaking terms. We both have cooled down but nothing has changed, I am missing her so much. I have been having sleepless nights thinking of Ivy. I would cry and blame myself for everything that has happened. I hate myself, Joe. I feel so empty and lonely now, even though I still have my other friends. I still cannot compare her with them. She has been a very big part of my life. There was a time when I could not imagine my life without her. Now, she’s gone.
Joe, please help me find my way back.
ICE
We can never force love on anyone. No matter how much we like a person, we simply cannot snap our fingers and make that person like us, too. We all have to realize that even if the greatest friendship has all the makings of a romantic relationship, there is still a world of difference between friendship and love.
We all experience a sort of romantic attachment to a person at one time or another in our lives. Sometimes we believe we can make something more from a genuine and close friendship. But the other person may not share our sentiment. Friendships can be strong foundations for lifetime relationships, but many turn sour simply because some people fail to see the sign that says, “This is where it stops!” They take advantage of their closeness and even invade the privacy of the other person.
Ivy wanted you to leave her alone because you were beginning to act like her boyfriend even if you’re not. She was tired of arguing with you over and over again.
Ice, you might have all the valid reasons to be jealous because you loved her. But you could not justify your behavior because Ivy saw you only as a very good friend and nothing more. I have seen people who have wasted years blindly hoping for a relationship that they knew would not come. Many of them have been given signs long before that there is nothing more to expect. I guess they are just too obsessed with the idea of living a life with their dream partners even if they know that it is only a remote possibility.
Ice, as long as you will compare her with the other women that you meet every day, then you will always feel that emptiness inside, for you will never find anyone like her again. But even if that’s the case, if you believe in yourself and in your capacity to give the kind of love and attention that you have given Ivy, then you will find someone who’s not like her but someone better. Someone who will appreciate you as a person, thank you for your efforts, and love you the way you want to be loved.
Dear Joe,
I met ivy in July 1999. There was neither magic nor sparkle when I first met her. She was cute, but nothing more. In short, I was not attracted to her then.
As months went by we became really good friends. In my 23 years, I had never had a girlfriend. I had courted numerous girls, but none of them saw me in a romantic way. I was just a friend to them. Ivy saw the sensitive and caring side in me that other girls hadn’t bother to find out.
She shared secrets with me that she hadn’t shared even to her best friend in college. Knowing somebody needed me made me feel good about myself. Joe, no one had ever mad me feel that way but she.
But we had our rough moments as well. We would fight over petty things and we would end up not saying a word to each other for days, even weeks. But we would always find a way to make up and say sorry to each other. Each petty quarrel made our friendship stronger and sweeter. We considered each other as “best friends.”
Joe, it didn’t take long for me to fall deeply in love with her. I would be extra caring to her. I would invite her out to either lunch or breakfast. I suddenly realized I wanted to spend each waking moment with her. She was flattered with the kind of attention I gave her, but just like the other girls in the past, she saw as a friend, nothing more.
But I went on with the courtship hoping that if I showed her how much I really loved her, she’d reconsider. I would practically do anything for her. Everything she asked me, I’d gladly do for her. Other people even thought that she was already taking advantage of me because there was really nothing for me to expect from her. I didn’t care what other people said; what was important to me was that both of us were happy as friends.
Then she met Nel, an honor graduate of UP Diliman, whom she grew fond of. They would constantly date and share countless hours talking over the phone. It hurt me whenever she would tell me about him, how she was starting to like him very much and how she was slowly falling in love with him.
But, what could I do? I was just a friend. I listened to her every story while my heart was torn into pieces. I did my best to understand our situation, but I still felt jealous. So jealous that I was having a hard time not showing it. Soon, it took its toll on our friendship. Our quarrels became more numerous and more intense with each pang of jealousy I would feel. But she never gave up on me, as she would always understand and accept me back as her best friend.
As Nel and Ivy’s relationship developed, Ivy would ask favors from me which would eventually benefit Nel. It bothered me a lot, but because I loved her so much I gave up my pride. Even though they were starting to became really cozy, she would assure me they weren’t going steady yet.
Last March, she headed up to Baguio with him and a couple of friends. I told her to enjoy her trip and made sure that Nel take care of her as I would. When they were on their way I would call her up once in a while just to ask how she was and tell her to hurry back because I was already missing her so much.
They left on a Friday afternoon. The following day I received a phone call from her telling me that I should give Nel a call, apologize to him, and assure him that I wasn’t checking up on her. She told me that he was jealous of me and I hurt his feelings. I didn’t see the logic of me having to say sorry for some guy that I didn’t even know. I stood my ground and told her no.
She told me “please,” but I just could not give in to her. Our conversation became intense and she switched off her phone. I was furious; it was a good thing my friends and I had made plans to head up to Tagaytay, I guess that would help me unwind and relax a bit. It gave me time to think about all the things that had been happening between her and me. I decided to end our friendship the minute I get back to Manila.
When she gave me a call asking how I was I told her not to speak to me again, and I slammed the phone down on her. As expected, she was really mad. I pulled my phone off the hook, knowing she would call back to curse me and slam the phone down on me as well.
She opted to e-mail me and express all her anger. I even printed it out. Even if we were beginning to hate each other, I was still happy she took the time to send me a letter, even if it was just a hate mail.
After a week, I realized I was wrong. I wanted her back, I wanted to tell her how sorry I was and admit that everything was my fault. But I guess she was already tired of us fighting over and over again. She said there was nothing more for us to talk about, and she wanted me to leave her alone.
Joe, I lost Ivy, the one person I cherished the most. She was mu only girl best friend, she was the only person who knew me so well. How could I have done such a thing?
We still aren’t on speaking terms. We both have cooled down but nothing has changed, I am missing her so much. I have been having sleepless nights thinking of Ivy. I would cry and blame myself for everything that has happened. I hate myself, Joe. I feel so empty and lonely now, even though I still have my other friends. I still cannot compare her with them. She has been a very big part of my life. There was a time when I could not imagine my life without her. Now, she’s gone.
Joe, please help me find my way back.
ICE
We can never force love on anyone. No matter how much we like a person, we simply cannot snap our fingers and make that person like us, too. We all have to realize that even if the greatest friendship has all the makings of a romantic relationship, there is still a world of difference between friendship and love.
We all experience a sort of romantic attachment to a person at one time or another in our lives. Sometimes we believe we can make something more from a genuine and close friendship. But the other person may not share our sentiment. Friendships can be strong foundations for lifetime relationships, but many turn sour simply because some people fail to see the sign that says, “This is where it stops!” They take advantage of their closeness and even invade the privacy of the other person.
Ivy wanted you to leave her alone because you were beginning to act like her boyfriend even if you’re not. She was tired of arguing with you over and over again.
Ice, you might have all the valid reasons to be jealous because you loved her. But you could not justify your behavior because Ivy saw you only as a very good friend and nothing more. I have seen people who have wasted years blindly hoping for a relationship that they knew would not come. Many of them have been given signs long before that there is nothing more to expect. I guess they are just too obsessed with the idea of living a life with their dream partners even if they know that it is only a remote possibility.
Ice, as long as you will compare her with the other women that you meet every day, then you will always feel that emptiness inside, for you will never find anyone like her again. But even if that’s the case, if you believe in yourself and in your capacity to give the kind of love and attention that you have given Ivy, then you will find someone who’s not like her but someone better. Someone who will appreciate you as a person, thank you for your efforts, and love you the way you want to be loved.
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