Friday, July 9, 2010

she rejects his love but regrets losing his friendship

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES
Published April 15, 2001



Dear Joe,

I am Darling, a fresh graduate of one of the prestigious universities in Metro Manila. I never thought that I would meet a person who’d see the other side of me that other people nor even I knew existed. It was a terrible thing to realize that you’ve fallen in love with a certain person who’d suddenly leave you. Letting go is the hardest part and accepting the consequence of your mistakes is a painful torture.

Ted and I had been the best of friends for almost a year. We had been through thick and thin. It was like we were the only persons who could better understand each other. But after our first date, we were not comfortable with each other anymore and it became more complicated when we kissed and hugged everytime we went out. It came to a point that we were already arguing about almost anything. That’s when we started talking about what was bothering us. We were blinded by the fact that we were already falling for each other. He told me he’d always wanted to reveal his feelings but three things kept him from doing so: he doesn’t want to hurt Joseph, the father of my 2-year-old daughter, since he knows that Joseph loves me more than his life; Dennis a suitor, would surely hate him; and that I’d be going back to the United Sates anyway after my graduation.

I was surprised to hear all these from Ted. There was a part of me that was unsure so I told him to just go with the flow because many people would get hurt if we’d push things right away. But he was so eager to prove his intentions that I just couldn’t afford to break his heart. Whenever I was having problems, he was always there for me.

After a few months, Ted decided to move on with his life because, according to him, it seemed that whatever he did, he just could not make me happy. I let him go. I can afford to lose him as a lover but never as a best friend. I cannot do anything to change his mind. I just hope that someday our paths will cross again. I will always remember what he told me once, “ If we’re still single at 45, we will marry each other.”

I’ll be going back to the US and my wish is for Ted to always keep me in his heart until we meet again.

God bless! Thanks and more power.


DARLING


I don’t think that waiting until both you and Ted are 45 and still single is such a practical idea. Yes, love can wait but at 45, you would have missed out so much in life already. Darling, sometimes opportunity knocks only once in our lives. Once we let it pass, it may never cross our paths again. Finding someone who will love us for what we have been and what we are isn’t easy. More often that not, people put a price tag to the things they do for us. Seldom do we find someone who can accept the good and the bad in us.

I think Ted has shown and proven beyond any doubt and in many concrete ways that he loves you. You were afraid to accept that love because there were still so many things in your life that you have left unfinished.

If there is nothing more than friendship that you can offer him, then I believe it is just fair to keep some distance from him because forgetting someone we love will be doubly hard if that person keeps us hanging by making his presence felt in his own ways. In this case, you just can’t bargain friendship for love, for Ted cannot be a friend without falling in love with you. You would just either have to accept that love or give him space to recover from his fall.

We all wish that love will knock at our doors and come to live, even for a moment, in our hearts. But, not everyone would be as lucky. There are those who would find it and keep it but there will also be those who would find it yet lose it for a hundred reasons. There are those who would still be waiting, hoping that maybe they would be in luck next time it comes around.

Darling, I hope Ted is listening now so he can hear what your heart has to say. Love could just be waiting for the right reason, the right place and the right moment. I hope you would stay in his heart so when loves comes knocking again you’d be there to open it for him. Hopefully, when that time comes, if ever it comes again, you would have settled all the accounts of the past and ready to start a new life with him – the man you are truly destined to be with forever.
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