she still yearns for an ex-boyfriend who is already married

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES

Published September 16, 2001

Dear Joe,

I was 21 years old when I worked for an advertising company in Makati. Rob was 31 then and was a senior officer in the same company.

Our company hosted a seminar and I was paired off with Rob in a presentation. I found out that he was gregarious, intelligent and witty. Because we were so compatible, we often went out. We both loved dancing and mountain climbing.

On one weekend Rob and I went fishing, he admitted that he had a live-in partner and a 2-year-old daughter. He explained to me that Helen was just one of his flings. Because of their child, he was forced to live with her. I took it calmly and I did not cry. The relationship blossomed and we became closer than ever. All he asked from me was to give him more time.

One night I found Rob at my door step, looking sad. Helen kicked him out of their house with the threat that he’d never see their daughter again. Of course, I wasn’t elated. I asked him to go home instead and settle things with her.

The next day Rob told me that he and Helen decided to give it a try. It was then that I realized he was still in love with her. He explained that he was doing this so he could have his daughter. After that meeting, he did not report for work for three days. Helen called me at the office and asked me to go to the hospital. Rob had an overdose of sleeping pills.

What I can’t forget were the words he uttered. He told not to admit to Helen that we had a relationship. After one month, I reluctantly ended our relationship. At first he did not agree, but soon enough, Rob conceded. I resigned from my job and accepted a long-standing invitation to have a vacation in Lisbon, Portugal where my aunt lives. After six months, I returned here and learned that Rob and Helen had migrated to Canada.

I’m now 24 years old and have become successful in buying and selling garments/apparel here and abroad. I’ve been going out with other guys, but it seems that I’m not interested in having a relationship anymore.

I’ve tried everything to forget Rob, but when will I be free from my love for him?


GINA of Parañaque


It seems that love has kept you in the dark and lonely corners of the past. You have been a prisoner of a world you built yourself. A world where Rob always lives and one that incessantly reminds you of warm thoughts of him.

A lot of good people with sincere intentions get hurt for the wrong reasons. Rob could have loved you but it was not enough to make him stand for what he truly felt. Now, beneath that self-assured self is a lonely woman still searching for love and the true meaning of happiness.

You have burdened yourself long enough. You can never forget Rob because you still love and care for him until now. And the harder you try to drive him out of your system the more painful it will get.

You don’t have to forget rob to be able to go on living. He will always be in your heart so just let him stay there. You are lonely because you haven’t accepted that Rob is gone for good. Somehow, you still hope that he will be back and that somewhere in time, you will meet again to relive all that has been lost. These thoughts give you hope but they give way for loneliness to creep in and take away your strength.

You can only be free if you let go of the past. Don’t cry over the things that could have been because the things that could still be are far more important.

The pain love brings should not make us bitter but better persons. I know that if you truly open your heart, you will find happiness in the arms of someone who will love you and put meaning back into your life.


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