Joe D Mango’s LOVE NOTES
Dear Joe,
I’m 25 years old, a professional and currently helping my parents with our business. I met Ariel six years ago and we started to build our dreams together since then. We eventually got intimate and I never regretted what happened between us. It was the most wonderful feeling I’ve experienced in my whole life. I felt complete and important. Our relationship became stronger and we became closer.
But Ariel is a chronic womanizer. For the past six years, he has been flirting with so many girls, around nine, I think. I was hurt the first time it happened. I suddenly became very insecure. I felt that I could no longer satisfy him. Our fights were mostly about my insecurity and his complaint that he has no freedom to do anything. I told him that he couldn’t blame me since he made me feel this way. But, instead of changing, he continued to flirt with other girls.
Early this year, he left for Singapore to work. But after three weeks he came back. He told me that he can’t live there alone, and that he’ll just look for a job here. I really don’t know what went wrong but after two weeks he asked for a cool-off. I agreed believing that he just needs time to be with himself. But after a few days, eh courted Bianca. Then he asked me to see him and we had sex.
Bianca found out what happened and she made him choose. It’s very hard to accept that Ariel dumped me. But in spite of that, we still went out without her knowledge.
Right now, I feel very alone and hurt. I miss him so much. There were times that I would like to go out, but I have no one to turn to. All my friends are busy with their own lives. My family doesn’t know anything about my predicament because I don’t want them to worry. Call me a fool but I’m always happy when I’m with Ariel.
Friends tell me that someone better will come along and that I should go out and enjoy. But with whom?
I’ll be starting a new job next week and I hope it will help me forget. As much as possible I don’t want to hear anything about him again because I know I will just be affected. But recently, one of his officemates told me he’s having troubles again. I really wanted to help him. I’m very confused. If God will grant me one wish, I wish to be with him again.
I need answers to all the questions in my mind.
RHAIN
Dear Rhain,
Sometimes it is difficult to fathom why many of us would still stubbornly hold on to someone who consistently and intentionally hurts our feelings. They keep doing the things that they know would knock us and we would react, sometimes violently, but in the end, still find no courage to break away from them.
Rhain, you always found yourself going to bed with Ariel even if you knew he was committed to Bianca because you were selfishly trying to fulfil your fantasy of being with him. Ariel, in turn, takes advantage of the opportunity to use you. This is not in any way, as I see it, a worthy relationship. You are burying yourself deeply in an affair that would not even last.
We should always remember that relationships do not rest solely on the ability of our partners to sexually satisfy us or make us feel important. These elements may be present even without genuine love and respect, which happen to be more important that the first two.
What we feel may not necessarily be a result of a fact but just an illusion we have fabricated in our minds. You felt complete and important when you were with Ariel. But you were just an object of his desire. I don’t think he really had any regard for what you feel.
Rhain, you can want Ariel all your life and grow old waiting for him or you can stop this illusion and face reality. There can only be today but no tomorrow with a man like him. You can make it on your own. Give yourself a little respect and move on without Ariel. It is you, and not him, who should be in control of your life. Be strong and let true love and not just fleeting moments of pleasure be your guide in your search for a lasting relationship.
Joe
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