Joe D Mango’s LOVE NOTES
Published March 18, 2001
Dear Joe,
I’ve been through a lot of broken relationships, broken promises and a lot of pain, too. One relationship in particular was when I had a boyfriend who’s married with two kids. It was not easy. I soon realized that we were just infatuated with each other, driven by lust and passion.
Marc came along when I was grieving over my past relationship. We met when I was in Puerto Galera with my sister. He was her boss. We became instant friends and I told him everything about me, including my secret “affair” with a married man. He could see right through me. I trusted him so much that I became blind, not seeing who he really was. I became deaf, not hearing what everyone else was saying about him.
We started going out without my sister’s knowledge. I fell in love so hard and expected things would turn out well. After a month, we had sex. Two days later, he texted me saying he was bothered and confused.
I assured him I wasn’t pregnant. I was hoping for a commitment he couldn’t give because he’s still waiting for Pam, his ex-girlfriend. He said it would be unfair if he could not love me in return. I was really hurt and accused him of just using me. He said that he had no intention of taking advantage of me. He wanted us to act as if nothing happened but I couldn’t. I didn’t want him to think that I was pressuring him to do something he didn’t want to so I just stopped.
I thought I would be able to move on and forget this whole damn thing. But I was wrong. He was everything to me but he had hurt me so much that I’ve become a man-hater. I suddenly realized that all men are just the same.
He was the third man in my life, who, after getting what he wanted, abandoned me. Was it my fault that I trusted so much and gave everything to make my man happy? I know that there’s nothing wrong with me, physically and emotionally. But why do these men seek nothing but pleasure from me? I’m just so tired of falling in and out of love. I still want Marc. But what am I going to do? Please help me win him back. I love him so much and it hurts because I still couldn’t let go. I don’t want to be a man-hater all my life.
Thank you so much and may God bless you, your show and your new radio station.
April
Dear April,
There is a big difference between loving someone and wanting someone. You still want Marc but I don’t think that desire is driven by genuine love. Marc, just like the other two men in your life just wanted to get a piece of the action. They would never even come close to committing themselves to any form of relationship with you. Not that you are unworthy but it was clear that they were just after the physical satisfaction that they could get form you. They must have really wanted you but then again, that desire cannot be used to define the true meaning of love.
April, we all know how some men can cunningly deceive women into giving what they want and then excuse themselves form any responsibility afterward. Stumbling on the same stone three times, however, should not be enough reason for you to hate them in general. Not all men are like Marc. There are still many who are brave enough to face the consequences of their actions. Men with respect. Men who can love without price.
April, in true relationships, commitment comes before physical intimacy. Men who just want to have sex and refuse responsibility are just self-centered individuals who think only of their own satisfaction. These people will never have any place n lasting relationships where the real foundation of love is built on unselfish commitment, trust and respect.
Joe
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