Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES
Published October 28, 2001
Dear Joe,
I just came out of a relationship and promised myself not to jump into another one for the meantime. But I guess fate had its own plans for me. After learning that I had broken up with my boyfriend, a friend of mine started looking for an eligible replacement. She introduced me to Gem and his best friend, Gary. After that, whenever Gem and I pass each other, exchange of words was limited to just “hi’s” and “hello’s.” But it was not making any progress to win my affection, Gem stepped in and started playing bridge. But every time he put in a good word for Gary, I just shrugged it off and simply told him that I was not interested. For that reason, Gem and I became close and eventually started liking each other. Gary, on the other hand, realizing that there was no hope, left me alone and stopped courting me. But it wasn’t that easy.
Gem then told me how much he regretted it when he wasn’t able to tell me earlier what he really felt. But although he liked me so much, he said that he just couldn’t be involved with me. Doing so, according to him, would appear that he was betraying his best friend. He told me that Gary still loves me and he didn’t want him to get hurt. He can’t afford losing Gary’s trust and friendship. Gem kept on sending me missed signals and it made me really confused. Although I like him so much, I didn’t give in to my emotions because his real intentions were not clear. I don’t want to invest into something which might lead to nowhere. But despite all this, we both knew that the feeling was mutual, only that, we were both having difficulty coming into terms with the situation.
But the worst part was yet to come. My friend asked me if there was really something going on between me and Gem. I denied it because there was really nothing to tell. I told her that I felt Gem was courting me but I was not sure whether to take him seriously or not. My friend, probably not content with what I said, came up to Gem without my knowledge and asked the same question. What he told my friend really hurt and wounded my ego. I learned from her that Gem denied that he was courting me and said that he was just being nice to me for the sake of Gary. I thought that there was really something special going on between us. But I was wrong.
I never really confronted him regarding the matter. It was better this way than risking myself and be hurt all over again. I started avoiding him and began acting cold and distant. He was really surprised with my actions but I didn’t care. He deserved it, anyway. The last time we talked over the phone, I was really surprised when he told me that he knew the reason I was acting strange toward him and that was because of something what my friend had told me. I denied it and told him that my friend had nothing to do with it. He told me not to believe any of those things but I was too stubborn to listen to him. He never called me since then.
It has been two months since our last conversation and I’m starting to miss him. I do have my pride and it will really kill me to make the first move. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me softening toward him. After all, I was the one who was hurt and he was the one who led me on. Am I wrong not to give him a chance to explain his side? Whom shall I believe? I am truing to forget him but it is not that easy since until now I am still wondering if those very words really came from the person whom I have learned to trust and like very much. Did he really like me or was just playing a game at my expense?
ARIANNE
Dear Joe,
I just came out of a relationship and promised myself not to jump into another one for the meantime. But I guess fate had its own plans for me. After learning that I had broken up with my boyfriend, a friend of mine started looking for an eligible replacement. She introduced me to Gem and his best friend, Gary. After that, whenever Gem and I pass each other, exchange of words was limited to just “hi’s” and “hello’s.” But it was not making any progress to win my affection, Gem stepped in and started playing bridge. But every time he put in a good word for Gary, I just shrugged it off and simply told him that I was not interested. For that reason, Gem and I became close and eventually started liking each other. Gary, on the other hand, realizing that there was no hope, left me alone and stopped courting me. But it wasn’t that easy.
Gem then told me how much he regretted it when he wasn’t able to tell me earlier what he really felt. But although he liked me so much, he said that he just couldn’t be involved with me. Doing so, according to him, would appear that he was betraying his best friend. He told me that Gary still loves me and he didn’t want him to get hurt. He can’t afford losing Gary’s trust and friendship. Gem kept on sending me missed signals and it made me really confused. Although I like him so much, I didn’t give in to my emotions because his real intentions were not clear. I don’t want to invest into something which might lead to nowhere. But despite all this, we both knew that the feeling was mutual, only that, we were both having difficulty coming into terms with the situation.
But the worst part was yet to come. My friend asked me if there was really something going on between me and Gem. I denied it because there was really nothing to tell. I told her that I felt Gem was courting me but I was not sure whether to take him seriously or not. My friend, probably not content with what I said, came up to Gem without my knowledge and asked the same question. What he told my friend really hurt and wounded my ego. I learned from her that Gem denied that he was courting me and said that he was just being nice to me for the sake of Gary. I thought that there was really something special going on between us. But I was wrong.
I never really confronted him regarding the matter. It was better this way than risking myself and be hurt all over again. I started avoiding him and began acting cold and distant. He was really surprised with my actions but I didn’t care. He deserved it, anyway. The last time we talked over the phone, I was really surprised when he told me that he knew the reason I was acting strange toward him and that was because of something what my friend had told me. I denied it and told him that my friend had nothing to do with it. He told me not to believe any of those things but I was too stubborn to listen to him. He never called me since then.
It has been two months since our last conversation and I’m starting to miss him. I do have my pride and it will really kill me to make the first move. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me softening toward him. After all, I was the one who was hurt and he was the one who led me on. Am I wrong not to give him a chance to explain his side? Whom shall I believe? I am truing to forget him but it is not that easy since until now I am still wondering if those very words really came from the person whom I have learned to trust and like very much. Did he really like me or was just playing a game at my expense?
ARIANNE
Sometimes, the difficult of being a woman is not being too forward in vague relationships. A lot of men are afraid to show their feelings. They are not too vocal about their sentiments either. They send confusing signals that are quite difficult, if not too presumptuous, to interpret.
Your friendship with Gem deserves the benefit of an honest-to-goodness dialogue. Relying on the acting upon information from a third party which may sometimes be inaccurate can have devastating results. A person’s interpretation of the emotion of someone else can be different and may not always be reflective of his true feelings. Talking to Gem doesn’t mean that you are softening toward him. It just means that you value the importance of an open and honest communication which leads to better understanding.
A lot of relationships fail to blossom because people are afraid to express their feelings. They love to give meaning to unspoken signals and judge a person’s actions without looking beyond what might have driven them to act that way. They tell others but not the person involved and soon, they suffer in silence, unmindful of the storm that they stir inside them. Each unspoken word and repressed feeling feed energy to this stir of emotions that may one day just explode and destroy the very relationship people are trying to build together.
Communication is the lifeblood of every relationship. We should not be afraid to ask questions and to answer truthfully when there are queries. Only when we are honest with ourselves and those around us can we see beyond the smile or the frown. Only when we listen with our hearts can we understand the meaning of silence and hear the words that are never spoken.
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