Joe D Mango’s LOVE NOTES
Published November 25, 2001
Dear Joe,
Just call me Stephen. I am 27 years old and an engineer for a multinational firm. I have a happy marriage.
My problem is Anne, whom I met before I got married. We worked in the same office. She was my first “serious” girlfriend. Although I’ve had girlfriends before, Anne was the one that I had planned to marry. I wanted her to meet my parent but she was anxious about it. So I secretly arranged for my parents to meet us and join us for dinner. This offended her.
During our arguments, Anne would always threaten to break up with me. One time, we actually did. Then, I begged her to come back to me promising that I’d change. I tried to control my jealousy but Anne did the opposite.
She became jealous of May, who was very close to me and to everyone else, except Anne. She would tell me that Anne was snobbish. This remark outraged Anne. She would always mention May in our arguments so when I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided to call it quits.
Then I had a relationship with Jane, which didn’t last long. I went back to Anne. But things didn’t go well. I got tired of our relationship that I just left her without a formal break-up.
I was so depressed that I became close to May, who eventually became my wife. I resigned from my job and married her.
Recently, I heard from one of my peers that Anne is still single. Saddened by the news of my marriage, she doesn’t want to entertain suitors anymore. I felt guilty that I tried to call her to say sorry, but she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I didn’t bother her again. But a part of me still feels guilty because I didn’t get the chance to say sorry. How can I apologize if she doesn’t want to talk to me? Is it okay to leave it that way?
Stephen
Dear Stephen,
When we decide to marry someone, we should close the old chapters of our lives. Unfortunately, there has been no formal break-up between you and Anne. You just drifted apart without being certain about the status of your relationship. She was devastated when she found out that you married May because she was hoping that you still might come back.
If it would make you feel better by saying sorry, then do so. If she doesn’t want to give you a chance to be heard then send her a written apology. This gesture could bring the finality your failed relationship needed. This could help her take a step forward and move on. This could also relieve you of your guilt that has been constantly bothering you.
I believe in destiny. I believe that there is one person with whom we can share our life forever. There is a reason relationships fail. There is a reason jealousy poisons our feelings. There is a reason for everything that happens in our lives. Sometimes these reasons are difficult to understand. But, there are times when we don’t have to, we just have to accept them and live the life that was destined for us. You have found your life. Live it the way you should. Love your wife and find joy and happiness in God’s greatest gift – your marriage.
Joe
Published November 25, 2001
Dear Joe,
Just call me Stephen. I am 27 years old and an engineer for a multinational firm. I have a happy marriage.
My problem is Anne, whom I met before I got married. We worked in the same office. She was my first “serious” girlfriend. Although I’ve had girlfriends before, Anne was the one that I had planned to marry. I wanted her to meet my parent but she was anxious about it. So I secretly arranged for my parents to meet us and join us for dinner. This offended her.
During our arguments, Anne would always threaten to break up with me. One time, we actually did. Then, I begged her to come back to me promising that I’d change. I tried to control my jealousy but Anne did the opposite.
She became jealous of May, who was very close to me and to everyone else, except Anne. She would tell me that Anne was snobbish. This remark outraged Anne. She would always mention May in our arguments so when I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided to call it quits.
Then I had a relationship with Jane, which didn’t last long. I went back to Anne. But things didn’t go well. I got tired of our relationship that I just left her without a formal break-up.
I was so depressed that I became close to May, who eventually became my wife. I resigned from my job and married her.
Recently, I heard from one of my peers that Anne is still single. Saddened by the news of my marriage, she doesn’t want to entertain suitors anymore. I felt guilty that I tried to call her to say sorry, but she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I didn’t bother her again. But a part of me still feels guilty because I didn’t get the chance to say sorry. How can I apologize if she doesn’t want to talk to me? Is it okay to leave it that way?
Stephen
Dear Stephen,
When we decide to marry someone, we should close the old chapters of our lives. Unfortunately, there has been no formal break-up between you and Anne. You just drifted apart without being certain about the status of your relationship. She was devastated when she found out that you married May because she was hoping that you still might come back.
If it would make you feel better by saying sorry, then do so. If she doesn’t want to give you a chance to be heard then send her a written apology. This gesture could bring the finality your failed relationship needed. This could help her take a step forward and move on. This could also relieve you of your guilt that has been constantly bothering you.
I believe in destiny. I believe that there is one person with whom we can share our life forever. There is a reason relationships fail. There is a reason jealousy poisons our feelings. There is a reason for everything that happens in our lives. Sometimes these reasons are difficult to understand. But, there are times when we don’t have to, we just have to accept them and live the life that was destined for us. You have found your life. Live it the way you should. Love your wife and find joy and happiness in God’s greatest gift – your marriage.
Joe
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