his fear of rejection prevents him from expressing his love for a friend

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES
Published September 23, 2001

Dear Joe,

I am Matthew, 22 years old, single and a graduate of a one-year computer course. I live a very simple life. I usually stay at home and take care of my 3-year-old brother because until now I am not lucky enough to have a job.

On July 28, 1993 my life took a big turn when my best friend Jake invited me to join their fellowship meeting held every Wednesday at a nearby congregation. I am a Catholic, who goes to Mass every Sunday with my family. I make novenas, especially when I have special intentions. The fellowship meeting helped me view things in an optimistic way. I became a regular member so every Wednesday I pray and worship with my “brothers and sister.” God has not answered some of my prayers but I know He will in time.

On August 18, 1993, I met Kate. She’s 21 years old and a new member of our fellowship. She is very attractive, intelligent and has a great sense of humor. We became friends. We always talk about love, past affairs, how we got hurt and what we learned from our heartaches. We were so comfortable with each other and soon, I felt my heart skip a beat every time we’re together.

My friend Jake knows I love her but he also knows that I am afraid of being turned down because I don’t have any job and I cannot offer her anything but my love. She just might not be interested in someone like me. All my friends tell me to give it a try but I don’t have the courage to tell her what I really feel.

Kate has a lot of suitors but she has not answered any of them yet. I’m afraid that one day she might fall in love and I will be left waiting and crying. I don’t want to see that day because I cannot afford to lose her. I’m helplessly in love but I always find myself speechless whenever I get the chance to tell her those three little words that I have kept in my heart for so long. What should I do?

MATTHEW

I’m glad that you wrote because most men would rather keep their feelings inside than let them out in the open and be vulnerable. I know how you feel. I have felt that way many times before and I still get tongue-tied and afraid at times. This is the very same fear that will keep us away from the things that we treasure and the people we love. Most women prefer men who are honest and sincere. They don’t rely on their feelings that can often be misleading. They do listen to our actions but they don’t want to get into guesswork. They love to hear our thoughts and see them transform into small gestures that prove our claim. If you keep your feelings for Kate to yourself then you will never have the chance to know how she really feels for you. There are a hundred different ways to show you care. You can start by picking out wild flowers that you’ll see on your way to the church and carefully arranging them where it will catch Kate’s attention. Slip a note that says how you feel about her. And don’t ever make the mistake of signing it with someone else’s name or initials. Write your name and make sure she knows it came from you. Be creative and adventurous. Saying “I love you” need not be expensive or extravagant. Words that come straight from the heart are far more valuable than any gift money could by. It’s now or never. It’s better to get hurt because we have true to our feelings than to be hurt because we never had the courage to express them.