she can't let go of an ex-boyfriend whom she met eight years ago

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES

Published May 20, 2001

Dear Joe,

Call me Shielou. I am 20 years old and a third year college student here in Manila. Let me take you back to my second year in high school. My aunt’s househelp went on vacation and didn’t come back. So she decided to recruit helpers from Samar.

After a couple of weeks, the helpers arrived: one houseboy named Wilfred and househelp named Letlet. I got along well with them and even treated them like friends. Wilfred always cracked jokes and I often laughed with him. One day, he admitted that he felt something for me but he was hesitant to say so. We were not compatible intellectually and financially. But after a few days, he courted me. I found myself falling for him and that was the start of our secret love affair. We almost forgot ourselves one night when only the two of us were left in the house but I refused and I didn’t give in to his lustful desires. He asked me to elope with him. I told him to wait until I was old enough.

I really believe that love is blind. He was not good-looking and he only finished grade six. I was thinking that if we end up together, we will not be able to survive and send our children to school. In spite of all these, I still loved him. He was my first love and probably would be my last. Eight years have passed and up to now, I still can’t forget him. Two months ago, we took our vacation in Samar and I saw him again. He’s married and they’re expecting a baby in December. I was so hurt. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. there are guys who are courting me but I don’t take them seriously because I couldn’t find someone like Wilfred. What should I do to forget him? How should I react if someone would come out and tell everyone about our affair? I belong to a well-known and rich family while Wilfred comes from a very simple family. How would I explain it to my family and friends? Should I deny him? Please help me.


SHIELOU


People who have loved deeply would know that letting go isn’t always easy. Some people have a way of locking someone in their hearts for a long time, holding on to some hope that one day they can be together again.

Each day, as they wait, is filled with silent and empty longing. They shy away from others who try to break the walls they have built around themselves. They live and survive but deep inside they are lonely and miserable. Shielou, your secret affair has been buried for eight long years and I honestly don’t see any reason why you have to tell everyone about it. You simply have to learn to accept your fate and forget Wilfred. You cannot live on memories alone even if these bring warm and pleasant thoughts. Memories can slowly trap us in our own world of empty hope and broken promises. Shielou, you cannot open a new chapter in your life without closing the previous one. Nothing lasts in this temporary world we live in. everything that is born dies. Even the people we love go away for good. That is why there is always a time for good-bye. It is sad word but it is the only thing that keeps the past where it should belong. When we say good-bye we put an end to what has begun. When we let go, we give ourselves the reason to live a new life and find the real love that has been kept away from us by the crippling memories of the past.

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