she wants to do something about her friend's illicit affair with their boss' husband

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVE NOTE
Published May 13, 2001

As a friend, the best thing one can do is to remind her that we can never be happy at the expense of other’s feelings…

Dear Joe,

Just call me Jing. I’m 25 years old and presently working as an executive secretary in a well-known company in Laguna. I’ve been working here for eight years now and I have grown close to my boss. She treats me like her very own daughter and all her employees are very kind to her because she always attends to the needs of everybody.

But this letter revolves around my friend, Gina, who also works in our office. We share a common interest in many things and we are really good friends. She’s pretty and that is why a lot of our clients really get attracted to her. Gina is always present whenever there’s a family gathering in my boss’ house because her husband always tells her that Gina is his relative. In 1992, Gina told me that she feels differently for my boss’ husband. I was really shocked because I knew that they were relatives and, besides, he’s already married and to our boss for that matter. I didn’t mind it but I constantly reminded her of its consequences.

Last year, our boss went to the United States for a convention. I began to worry because I felt that Gina was getting in too deep with her illicit affair. I felt sorry for my boss because Gina was betraying her. I have always asked the Lord to enlighten Gina because I feel so guilty knowing that I could have done something about it. But I don’t have the courage to reveal their relationship. Is it right to tell what I know, create a big mess, and destroy a family and long years of friendship? Please tell me what to do.

JIng

Dear Jing,

As a sensible person, I know that you feel obliged to tell your boss everything that happens behind her back. But you haven’t established concrete evidence against Gina’s illicit relationship with your boss’ husband yet. Even if you know for sure that they are lovers, do you think confessing this to your boss would solve the problem?

I honestly don’t think that we should meddle with other people’s affairs but since you are directly affected and bothered by this, then you might as well do something about it. You are not in a position to tell Gina what to do or what not to do even if she is your friend. You can only try to bring a change in her relationship with your boss’ husband and that’s only how far you can go.

If you tell your boss what you see or hear then you just might merit from it by being a loyal secretary. But in exchange, you would probably lose a friend and ruin a family, I’m sure you wouldn’t want that to happen. So why don’t you try to find a solution for the other side?

Don’t judge Gina by telling her that she’s wrong and what she’s doing is a sin. Don’t even try to talk her out of the relationship for she will never let go unless that’s what she really wants to do. As a friend, the best thing you can do is to constantly remind her that we can never be truly happy at the expense of others’ feelings. Tell her to weigh her options and be guided not by emotions alone but by good judgment as well. Keep on praying that they may be guided by what is right and pleasing to the Lord. Let us remember that we should accept people as they are. We should not judge them when they have gone the wrong way but rather help them realize what is right so they may change to become better and more responsible and loving persons.

Joe

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