a lesson learned

Joe D Mango’s LOVE NOTES

Dear Joe,

I’ve always been a regular listener of your radio program. I’d like to commend you for giving sound advises to people who are in trouble, who are in despair and who are lost. Anyway, for a change, I might as well say that I wrote a letter to you not because I needed an advice, but I just wanted to share a very memorable event that took place in my life.

Call me Tracy, 27 years old and working as a Finance Officer in a multinational trading firm in the country. Six years ago was probably the worst time of my life. My story started when I met this guy, Ross. The first time I saw him during a function was like magic. I knew he did not see me because there was like a thousand people there, but I kept staring at him. Instantly, I had a crush on him. Ross was like the kind of guy that every girl would easily fall for. He’s very good-looking, quite tall, very articulate and most of all, he’s a very good dresser.

I never though I’d see him again. Months passed and there was another function that I attended. Just like magic, he was there again. I really wanted to meet him and I had a strange feeling that I would. When the session paused for a break, he and his friends approached my group. They introduced themselves and so did we. Joe, during that time I felt like I was in a trance or something. My heart was pounding so hard and fast that I didn’t know I was blushing already. After the session ended, we bid goodbye and he gave me the “ I’ll call you” signal. I kept on thinking how can he call me, he didn’t even ask my phone number. Anyway, I nodded and we parted ways.

After a week, he called and since then we became close friends. He called and visited me regularly. At times, we go out on friendly dates together with our group of friends. I could say that we both enjoyed being together. But the problem was, we never talked about what was really going on between the two of us. Were we already lovers or just plain friends? Frankly, I wasn’t the type who’d be asking guys how they felt for me. I’d rather be the traditional Filipina who would never be presumptuous about anything especially about love. This went on for a year. I never knew where we stood or where we’re heading. All I knew was that I felt something for him. And at that time it was no longer a crush but a more of a profound feeling which needed to be reciprocated.

Joe, I let go all my suitors just for him because I wanted to us to be exclusive to each other. But apparently, it didn’t go that way. When I heard that he was going out on dates with different girls, I started to think that maybe it’s high time for me to just let go and entertain other suitors. But I can’t. he was already in my system, the reason why I was able to hang out with him for more that a year. You can call me love blinded, a martyr or just plain old stupid. But what can I do, I just can’t fight the feeling anymore.Months passed and I heard from my friends that he has a girlfriend already. Joe, I was deeply hurt. How can he be so numb of what I felt. I would have accepted it if I learned it straight from him, but of all people, not our friends. But how could I blame him when he never even said he loved me?

I was really confused, Joe. How can someone you love not love you in return? And worst of all, his girlfriend turned out to be the daughter of my father’s close friend.

Time came when I had the guts to face and talk to him about this matter. And his reasons even made me more doubtful. He admitted that he has a girlfriend already whom he loves very much. But he's confused because he has feelings for me, too. He wished he had two hearts so it would be easier for him. He said that even if he was committed already, we could still see and call each other. He wanted us to continue our mutual arrangement.

But I know that it was wrong and I know that how much pain it would cause the other girl if she finds out that her boyfriend was double-timing. I stood up to what was right even though it meant losing the guy I loved. I told him how hurt I was and I told him that I wouldn’t be a loss to him, anyway he’s got a girlfriend now and he has a lot of friends around him. When he heard that, he told me that he was hurt with what I said and still came convincing me that I can never be replaced. He tried winning me back, but it was too late. I was deeply hurt and I can never be blinded any longer. Later, I learned that when we were still going out, once he knew someone was interested to court me, he’d say bad things about me just to discourage the guy. Gone are the days when I believed that everything he said were true. I was a martyr once, Joe, but not forever.

He made a lot of attempts to win me back, even asking help from our friends. I always get to see him in functions which I attend. But it doesn’t move me a bit. And I know that it is what they call closure. The chapter of my life with him is over. Presently, I’m happily married and gifted with a very beautiful baby girl. The last time I heard from him was, his relationship with his girlfriend didn’t last long and he has been jumping from one relationship to another. But I don’t worry about him. For me, that ‘feeling’ is already a thing of the past. A passion that teenagers normally experience and go through. Now, I realize that these things should not be carried on as a burden but a lesson. It made me mature in a lot of ways and made me a better person. We may tend to be tested sometimes, on love and life. These are not meant to make us brittle and burdened, but to make us strong and wise. Now, I believe that whatever tests we experience in life, we can pass through it. We can make it, only if we try.

Thanks for reading my letter and more power to you, your family and to your show.

Sincerely,
Tracy

Dear Tracy,

I’m glad that your experience in love made you a better and a stronger person. These are what the trials are for, anyway. In many failed relationships, separation comes as the inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be as twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, the end of a relationship is imposed on us, but our choice to hold on is always beyond the control of circumstance. Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is a resolve we make ourselves.

Many, however, remain and hold on to the empty promise of a memory – a past that is gone forever and vows that may never be fulfilled. We choose to live in the shadow of someone we still love, someone who only used to love us. We refuse to turn the pages of our lives so we can relish the beautiful memories we’ve had. Yes, there is closure, but not of the past but of the heart. We will never grow with bitterness and wishful yearning. Life can move on only if we open our hearts and give ourselves a chance to find love again.

Acceptance is the key to a new beginning and time is the healer of old wounds. Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be light after our darkest and loneliest moments. There is always hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try. And remember, there will always be a life even after losing love. That life may even be better than before. For all our pain and suffering come with a purpose. They are meant not to discourage us but to make us stronger and better persons.

I’m happy for you, Tracy. You have learned the true meaning of closure and have stood firm on not looking back. If someone out there is crying over a relationship that has gone sour, never lose faith because losing someone we love may not be a loss at all but a blessing because someone even more deserving is yet to come.

Joe

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