a married woman falls for a priest who is now avoiding her

Joe D’ Mango’s LOVENOTES

Published March 11, 2001

Dear Joe,

My marriage has been shaky because of my husband’s inability to hold a job and his irresponsibility. On top of that, about five years ago, he got hooked on drugs.

I am active in church and last year, I met someone who showered me with the love and affection I had been longing for all these years. He loved my kids and my kids adored him. From the start, this guy asked me if we could be together in the future, to which I said, “Probably.” We hit it off because our lines of communication were always open.

So we became lovers. But the problem is he’s a priest. Now I am paying the price because lately he has stopped being thoughtful and caring. I wrote telling him to pursue the priesthood because it is easier for me to lose him to God than to someone else. He has not responded to my text messages and card nor has he said a word about the gifts I sent. In fact, I learned that he gave away one of my gifts.

I know our relationship was never right but we still went on. Up to now, I am still in love with him. We haven’t had a chance to talk yet so I don’t really know how he feels. How can I forget him when we regularly see each other in church?

I need your advice on how to go about this struggle. I have no one to confide because we move around with the same people. Thanks and congratulations to Wave 89.1.

BEL

Bel, many of us come to a point in our marriages when we want to give on our spouses for differences that we find difficult to compromise. I may sound too condoning when I tell you to hang on to your irresponsible husband because he shouldn’t be and you have all the right to be well taken care of. But Bel, all marriages have their cracks that, when left unattended, can cause irreparable breakage.

Your husband’s inability to keep a job and his irresponsibility may be attributed to his drug dependence and a lot of other factors. This may seem like an unacceptable and unforgivable behaviour but I believe he still is capable of change. Turning your back on him is not the way to fix your marriage.

Many of us tend to run away from issues in our marriages that seem impossible to resolve. Our refusal to understand, fear, pride and selfishness are the basic enemies of relationships. Many marriages fail because spouses refuse to look objectively at their problems and resort to finger-pointing and stubborn denial and unacceptance of their own faults.

Bel, whatever it was that happened between you and the priest, let it remain a figment of your past. Don’t be misled by false emotions that disguise themselves as redeeming solutions to distressed relationships.

He stopped because he knew what you had was wrong. It’s about time you realize the same.

Marriages will always be emotional battle fields. I hope that your story would remind everyone that we would love our families and remain faithful to our spouses, in spite of their sometimes unacceptable behaviour. Remember, it is the time when they are most unlovable that we would love them even more. It is the time when they are most unreasonable that we should be more understanding. It is the time when they need us that we should be there for them and not for someone else. The solution to our problems is not outside of marriage. They can only be resolved within, free from any external influences. In spite of all the temptations that threaten to ruin our relationships, let us always remain steadfast and faithful to people we have vowed to love so we can keep our marriages and treasure them for a lifetime.

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