friendship, intimacy and jealousy

Joe D Mango’s LOVE NOTES

I’m doing everything to bring back our friendship, everything we once had. Please help me, Joe. I don’t want to lose her


Dear Joe,

I’m Anne, 20 years old, and presently working at one of the country’s respectable banking institutions. My story is quite unusual because it isn’t about a boy-girl relationship. It’s about a broken friendship. I met Joy a year ago; she was a freshman at a university in Manila, while I was a graduating student. She was my roommate, and I was instantly comfortable with her, maybe because I never had a sister. Our friendship grew deeper, Joe. She was the only person whom I shared my feelings with. We watched movies, ate out and attended concerts together.

Since I was already graduating that March, I spent more time with her. I went to her place in Bulacan almost every weekend to be with her. Joe, it was at this point that we started becoming intimate with each other. We kissed, hugged, and I suppose, we did everything. After that, we became touchy about our feelings, especially with friends. As time went by, we argued and fought about petty things.

Most of the time, I would start it. I always felt jealous of her friends. In the end, though, I would always be the first to apologize and cry. I also felt that she was trying to distance herself from me. I don’t really know why I felt this way, Joe, despite the fact that we were always together. After work, I’d pick her up in school and we’d eat snacks together. We even prayed the novena to St. Jude on Thursdays.

Last September, Joy got annoyed with something I did. I don’t know what got into me, but I followed her secretly when she went out to buy things for her project. I saw her call someone on her cell phone. I waited and watched her. After that incident, I wrote her a letter and revealed all I had done. She got so upset about it, Joe. Now everything’s changed. She forgave me, but I could no longer bring back the closeness we once shared. She seldom texts me now. She even refuses to touch me when we’re walking together. I’m doing everything to bring back our friendship, everything we once had. But I guess she has totally closed the door. Please help me, Joe, I don’t want to lose her.

Anne

Dear Anne,

It’s obvious that Joy is slowly inching away from you. You said it to yourself; it was because of your own doing. You have gone beyond being obsessive and your actions made her despise you.

Your sexual encounters shouldn’t have happened in the first place but both of you consciously allowed them to take place. You were extra close to each other but that doesn’t give either of you the right to own and control each other’s lives. She was back to her normal self but you were still hung up on your “friendly commitment.” You tried to control her life and you drove her away in the process.

Anne, I don’t think it is wise for you to be overly engrossed with the thought of winning and bringing her back. She deserves to live a life of her own just as much as you do. Keep your friendship special but don’t let it go beyond that.

Anne, for most people, fulfilment in life comes in having your own family. Start focusing on someone you can build a family with. Someone you can love freely without having to worry about what the world will say. Someone you can call your own and someone you can share your life with, beautifully and forever. Good luck and God bless you always.

Joe

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